Step 1 - They Said

Step 1a – S/he said: Write down exactly what the other person said. 

Be brief:

Step 1b – His/her feelings: Check the emotion words s/he might have been feeling if you aren’t sure, just put your best guesses (underline). 

 1) Angry

 i. Upset

 ii. Annoyed

 iii. Irritated

 iv. Mad

 v. Ticked Off

 vi. Resentful

 vii. Bitter

 viii. Incensed

 ix. Irate

 x. Furious

 xi. Enraged

 2) Anxious

 i. Apprehensive

 ii. Nervous

 iii. Concerned

 iv. Worried

 v. Uptight

 vi. Panicky

 vii. Afraid

 viii. Fearful

...

Step 2 - You Said

Step 2a – I said: Write down exactly what you said next. 

Be brief: 

Step 2b – My feelings: Check the emotion words below to show how you felt when she/he said that. If you aren’t sure, just put your best guesses (underline).

1) Angry

 i. Upset

 ii. Annoyed

 iii. Irritated

 iv. Mad

 v. Ticked Off

 vi. Resentful

 vii. Bitter

 viii. Incensed

 ix. Irate

 x. Furious

 xi. Enraged

 2) Anxious

 i. Apprehensive

 ii. Nervous

 iii. Concerned

 iv. Worried

 v. Uptight

 vi. Panicky

 vii. Afraid

 viii. Fearf...

Step 3a - EAR Checklist

EAR Checklist (Empathy Assertiveness Respect)

Instructions. Review what you wrote down in Step 2a. Was your statement an example of Good Communication or Bad Communication? 

Good Communication

 1. Empathy: 

 ⁃ Good: You acknowledge the other person's feelings.

 ⁃ Bad: You ignore the other person's feelings.

 2. Assertiveness: 

 ⁃ Good: You express your feelings openly and directly. 

 ⁃ Bad: You failed to express your feelings openly.  

 3.  Respect: 

 ⁃ Good: Your attitude is respectful and car...

Step 3b - The Bad Communication Checklist

The Bad Communication Checklist 

Instructions. Review what you wrote down in Step 2a of the Relationship Journal. How many of the following communication errors can you spot? 

Communication Error (underline errors you made) 

 1. Truth – You insist you're "right" and the other person is "wrong."

 2. Blame – You imply the problem is the other person's fault.

 3. Defensiveness – You argue and refuse to admit any imperfection.

 4. Martyrdom – You imply that you're an innocent victim.

 5. Put...

Step 4 - Consequences

Step 4 – Consequences: Did your response make the problem: better worse? 

Why?

Step 5 - Revised Version

Step 5 – Revised Version: Revise what you wrote down in Step 2 (use the “Five Secrets of Effective Communication.” If your revised response is ineffective, try again).

Step 1 - Event

Upsetting Event:

Step 2 & 4 - My Emotions

Upsetting Event:

My Emotions

 1) Angry - % Now ; % Goal ; % After ;

 i. Upset

 ii. Annoyed

 iii. Irritated

 iv. Mad

 v. Ticked Off

 vi. Resentful

 vii. Bitter

 viii. Incensed

 ix. Irate

 x. Furious

 xi. Enraged

 2) Anxious - % Now ; % Goal ; % After ;

 i. Apprehensive

 ii. Nervous

 iii. Concerned

 iv. Worried

 v. Uptight

 vi. Panicky

 vii. Afraid

 viii. Fearful

 3) Bored - % Now ; % Goal ; % After ;

 i. Uninterested

 ii. Unmotivated

 4) Criticized - % Now ; % Goal ; % After ;

 i. Picked On

 ii....

Step 3 - Negative Thoughts & Distortion

Negative Thoughts & Distortions

 1) Negative Thoughts & Distortions

 i. Negative Thought: 

 a. % Now: 

 b. % After: 

 ii. Distortion: 

 a. % Belief: 

 iii. Positive Thought: 

 2) Negative Thoughts & Distortions

 i. Negative Thought: 

 a. % Now: 

 b. % After: 

 ii. Distortion: 

 a. % Belief: 

 iii. Positive Thought:

 3)  Negative Thoughts & Distortions

 i. Negative Thought: 

 a. % Now: 

 b. % After: 

 ii. Distortion: 

 a. % Belief: 

 iii. Positive Thought: 

 4)  Negative Thoughts & Distortions

 i...

What I Said

What I Said

What They Said

What They Said

My Thoughts & Feelings to Their Reply

My Thoughts & Feelings to Their Reply

Why They Might Have Replied The Way They Did

Why They Might Have Replied The Way They Did

Possible Reply 1

Possible Reply 1

Reply:

Reason for Saying This:

How This Might Make Them Feel:

Possible Response From Other Person:

1 - 5 Stars on Maintaining the Relationship:

1 - 5 Stars On Helping Them Become a Better Person (not my responsibility):

1 - 5 Stars on "I Thou" Relationship:

Possible Reply 2

Possible Reply 2

Reply:

Reason for Saying This:

How This Might Make Them Feel:

Possible Response From Other Person:

1 - 5 Stars on Maintaining the Relationship:

1 - 5 Stars On Helping Them Become a Better Person (not my responsibility):

1 - 5 Stars on "I Thou" Relationship:

Possible Reply 3

Possible Reply 3

Reply:

Reason for Saying This:

How This Might Make Them Feel:

Possible Response From Other Person:

1 - 5 Stars on Maintaining the Relationship:

1 - 5 Stars On Helping Them Become a Better Person (not my responsibility):

1 - 5 Stars on "I Thou" Relationship:

Possible Reply 4

Possible Reply 4

Reply:

Reason for Saying This:

How This Might Make Them Feel:

Possible Response From Other Person:

1 - 5 Stars on Maintaining the Relationship:

1 - 5 Stars On Helping Them Become a Better Person (not my responsibility):

1 - 5 Stars on "I Thou" Relationship:

Possible Reply 5

Possible Reply 5

Reply:

Reason for Saying This:

How This Might Make Them Feel:

Possible Response From Other Person:

1 - 5 Stars on Maintaining the Relationship:

1 - 5 Stars On Helping Them Become a Better Person (not my responsibility):

1 - 5 Stars on "I Thou" Relationship: