The A in TREATS
2025/06/01 12:00 AM Filed in: Communication | TREATS
The A in TREATS: Ask and Confirm
Once you’ve rephrased what someone said and empathized with their feelings, the next essential step is to Ask – and confirm that what you reflected is accurate. This step ensures the other person truly feels heard, and it keeps the dialogue grounded in understanding instead of assumptions. As Proverbs 18:2 reminds us, “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.” (Proverbs 18:2)
Why Asking Matters
A Musical Reminder
To help remember the steps, listen to The Communication Song (TREATS):
Once you’ve rephrased what someone said and empathized with their feelings, the next essential step is to Ask – and confirm that what you reflected is accurate. This step ensures the other person truly feels heard, and it keeps the dialogue grounded in understanding instead of assumptions. As Proverbs 18:2 reminds us, “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.” (Proverbs 18:2)
Why Asking Matters
- Clarifies meaning: Prevents miscommunication or jumping ahead.
- Shows humility: You’re checking your interpretation, not assuming.
- Strengthens trust: Invites the other person to be your partner in understanding.
- Rephrase: “So you’re frustrated because I’ve been late several times.”
- Ask: “Is that right? Is there something more I’m missing?”
- Rephrase: “It sounds like you feel I haven’t really been present when you’re talking.”
- Ask: “Is that how you’re feeling, or is there more to it?” (Alma 5:45–46)
- Rephrase: “So, you feel I’ve been disrespectful in how I responded.”
- Ask: “Is that what’s bothering you most, or is there something deeper?”
- Rephrase: “It seems like something I did really upset you.”
- Ask: “Can you help me understand what part hurt the most?” (Matthew 7:7)
- Use phrases like: “Did I get that right?” or “Is there more?”
- Ask with genuine curiosity, not as a defense.
- Be ready to repeat the rephrasing/empathy steps if they clarify something new.
- Avoid rushing through this – validation takes time, people often open up in layers, and repeat themselves before they really feel understood. It's normal and kind of unusual that someone would care to understand.
- Don’t say “I already said that!” if they correct you.
- Don’t interrupt their clarification.
- Don’t assume that once is enough.
- Asking for confirmation helps you avoid misunderstanding and shows you’re invested in truly hearing them.
- This step is the gateway to mutual understanding and deeper connection.
- Scriptural principles teach us to ask, seek, and knock – not assume we already know (Matthew 7:7).
A Musical Reminder
To help remember the steps, listen to The Communication Song (TREATS):
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