Communication

The Myth of 100%/100% in Marriage: A Thoughtful Perspective

2024/12/01 12:00 AM

In this post we'll explor the practicality and the centement behind marriage is 100%/100% from both partners. How to live this, not have unmet expectations, and to love unconditionally with boundaries (which sounds like an oxymoron). Read More…

Tags: Marriage, Communication

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Boundaries, Autonomy, and Harmony in Relationships: Balancing Individuality and Unity

2024/09/01 12:00 AM

Building a strong relationship often requires reconciling personal boundaries with a partner’s sense of autonomy. In this post, I explore common scenarios where boundaries and personal beliefs collide, especially in marriage. Using examples, I show how deeply ingrained beliefs—often shaped by family upbringing or reinforced by religious teachings—can influence expectations and lead to misunderstandings. Rather than defaulting to passive compliance or rigid insistence, I suggest practical strategies for handling these situations constructively. Key steps, like open communication, mutual respect, and empathy, allow couples to honor each other’s individuality while nurturing a healthy, united partnership.
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Tags: Boundaries, Spouse

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“Plugged-In”: A New Perspective on Frustrating Interactions

2024/08/01 12:00 AM

In our connected world, the term “plugged-in” serves as a fresh way to describe moments of frustration and tension during interactions, offering an alternative to “triggered,” which should be reserved for severe trauma reactions. “Plugged-in” accurately captures the surge of emotions when someone says or does something irritating, helping us manage these feelings without trivializing the experiences of trauma survivors. By recognizing when we’re “plugged-in,” identifying the source, communicating openly, taking breaks, finding healthy outlets, and seeking professional help if needed, we can improve our interactions and relationships. This shift in language fosters empathy, understanding, and more productive conversations, ultimately enhancing our emotional well-being. Read More…

Tags: Relationships

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Deflection vs. Excuses: Understanding the Nuances and Consequences

2024/07/16 12:00 AM

Deflection and excuses are often mistaken for each other, but they have distinct purposes: deflection shifts blame away from oneself, while excuses provide reasons to justify one's actions. Both mechanisms can undermine personal accountability if left unchecked, leading individuals to believe their justifications are valid, which can strain relationships and breed resentment. To address these issues, promoting self-reflection, showing empathy, and encouraging accountability are essential. By distinguishing feelings from facts and involving individuals in problem-solving, we can foster open conversations and healthier interactions, ultimately supporting personal growth and more constructive relationships. Read More…

Tags: Communication

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Expanding on Personal Boundaries: Insights and Practical Tips

2024/04/16 12:00 AM

In our previous post on personal boundaries from 01/01/2024, we explored how they can be a powerful tool for self-care and fostering healthy relationships. This post builds on that foundation by offering a deeper dive into the concept of boundaries and how they influence our interactions with others.
What's New?
This post expands on the previous one by:

Emphasizing the importance of self-awareness as the foundation for setting effective boundaries. We go beyond simply understanding your needs and values to focus on recognizing what makes you feel safe and respected.
Introducing the concept of autonomy in relation to boundaries. Boundaries don't control others, but they do influence how they interact with you based on the choices you make about your own life.
Providing a structured approach to defining, communicating, and enforcing boundaries.

Influence Not Control

2024/04/01 12:00 AM

This blog post argues that offering advice shouldn't be about controlling others, but rather about influencing them to make informed decisions.
Key takeaways:

When giving advice, focus on exploring possible outcomes with the person instead of dictating the "right" answer.
Practice active listening to understand their situation and tailor your suggestions accordingly.
Respect their autonomy - it's their choice, and your role is to offer support regardless of the decision.

Benefits of this approach:

Stronger relationships built on trust and respect.
Personal growth for both parties through shared experiences.
Reduced stress by letting go of the need to control.

Dependencies

2024/03/16 12:00 AM

In this post, I delve into the intricacies of various dependencies, focusing on finding a healthy balance, mainly through interdependence. I emphasize that while each form of dependency serves a purpose, some can lead to adverse outcomes, especially when they foster selfishness or stagnation. I discuss codependence in detail, highlighting the roles of the codependent individual and the enabler. Moving on, I explore dependency, stressing the importance of maintaining personal growth despite relying on others for specific needs. Interdependence emerges as a neutral ground, showcasing benefits such as emotional support, shared goals, and community collaboration. However, I also caution against pitfalls like codependency and loss of individuality within interdependent relationships. Finally, I touch on independence and self-sufficiency, advocating for autonomy while valuing interconnectedness. Overall, the post reflects my perspective on understanding and navigating various forms of dependency to achieve a balanced and fulfilling life.

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"That's My Boundary!"

2024/03/01 12:00 AM

In my March 1st post, I explore the nuanced challenge of communicating personal boundaries effectively, particularly highlighting the contention that can arise from directly stating "that's my boundary." I reflect on my personal experience that, as a man, hearing the word 'boundary' in conversations can feel provoking, often evoking strong and negative associations. I argue that expressing boundaries without explicitly using the term can lead to better understanding and respect from others. Through examples, I demonstrate how communicating limits with kindness and without shaming others fosters healthier relationships and understanding. I share a personal mishap with my daughter to underscore the learning curve involved in practicing what I preach. Emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, and compassion in boundary-setting, I advocate for a more subtle approach to communicating personal limits, suggesting that this can lead to more positive outcomes for all involved. Read More…

Tags: Relationships, Boundaries

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Part 2: Strategies for Reducing Gossip and Fostering Positive Communication

2024/02/16 12:00 AM

This post outlines effective methods for minimizing the adverse effects of gossip and promoting healthy dialogue. It emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, encouraging individuals to reflect on their motives before discussing others and to focus on sharing positive stories and achievements. Addressing negative emotions constructively through counseling or journaling, challenging one's cognitive biases, and cultivating empathy are suggested to deter gossip. The piece advocates for creating a culture of positive communication by promoting transparency, supporting community building, and leading by example in displaying kindness and integrity. Inspirational quotes from various religious and philosophical texts underscore the value of speaking truthfully and kindly, reinforcing that mindful communication can foster environments where gossip does not thrive, leading to more supportive and enriching interactions. Read More…

Tags: Relationships, Boundaries

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Part 1: Understanding the Draw and Dilemmas of Gossip

2024/02/01 12:00 AM

We all get caught in the gossip web: the allure of belonging, the thrill of juicy info, the temporary catharsis of negativity. But the damage is real - reputations tarnished, trust eroded, negativity rampant. Break free by questioning your motives, seeking healthier entertainment, and choosing kindness. Words have power - let's build a world where communication uplifts, not tears down. Read More…

Tags: Relationships

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I Think vs I Feel

2023/12/30 04:48 PM

Main Points:

The choice between "I think" and "I feel" matters because it affects how others perceive your message and interact with you.
"I feel" expresses emotions and personal experiences, while "I think" presents opinions and beliefs open to discussion.
Using "I feel" effectively requires clear distinction between emotions and opinions. Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" offers a helpful framework for using "I feel" authentically.

Examples:

"I feel sad..." (expresses emotion) vs. "I think it was unkind..." (expresses opinion)
"I think we should..." (suggests action) vs. "I feel upset..." (expresses personal reaction)

Benefits of Clarifying Usage:

Reduces misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments.
Encourages empathy and open communication.
Promotes personal responsibility for emotions and opinions.

Overall:
This post emphasizes the importance of using "I think" and "I feel" consciously to foster clear and respectful communication. By understanding the nuances of each phrase, we can avoid misinterpretations and build stronger relationships.
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