Communication

The Path to Genuine Understanding

In this exploration of genuine empathy, I share how stepping into another's shoes can transform our interactions in our divided world. I outline a practical empathy challenge that invites us to argue others' perspectives as convincingly as our own, and I introduce how modern AI tools can help us practice this ancient wisdom. Drawing from my personal mission to strengthen others' cases rather than simply win arguments, I explain how this approach creates psychological safety and uncovers hidden truths. I identify warning signs of entrenched thinking and connect these insights to the concept of "The Sucker's Choice" from Crucial Conversations, offering scriptural wisdom from Matthew and the Book of Mormon along the way. My hope is that by embracing this practice, we'll move from competition to collaboration, creating space for genuine understanding and lasting resolutions while acknowledging that time constraints often complicate this process—a challenge we'll address in my next post. Read More…
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Let Me Finish!

In this blog post, I explore the power of listening and the significance of recognizing the phrase "Let me finish" as a valuable cue in conversations. When someone says this, it’s often a sign they don’t feel heard—a crucial moment to pause, listen, and ensure they feel understood before continuing. I share a personal experience where choosing patience over confrontation helped resolve a financial dispute while preserving respect and boundaries. By embracing patience, empathy, and humility, we can foster trust and deeper connections. The ultimate takeaway is that acting with integrity and seeking understanding brings lasting peace, both in our relationships and within ourselves.
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The Wicked Take the Truth to Be Hard

In this blog post, we explore the lessons from Nephi’s interactions with his brothers in the Book of Mormon, particularly the tension between boldly speaking truth and fostering compassion. While Nephi’s directness in correcting his brothers was rooted in righteousness, his approach often led to resentment and alienation. Reflecting on his later introspection, we consider how his journey illustrates the importance of balancing truth with empathy. Drawing parallels to early Church history and modern examples, we examine how self-righteousness can obstruct understanding while patience and love create bridges for change. Ultimately, this post invites readers to thoughtfully apply Nephi’s story to their own lives—standing for truth while communicating it in ways that inspire growth, unity, and Christlike love.
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The Myth of 100%/100% in Marriage: A Thoughtful Perspective

In this post we'll explor the practicality and the centement behind marriage is 100%/100% from both partners. How to live this, not have unmet expectations, and to love unconditionally with boundaries (which sounds like an oxymoron). Read More…
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Boundaries, Autonomy, and Harmony in Relationships: Balancing Individuality and Unity

Building a strong relationship often requires reconciling personal boundaries with a partner’s sense of autonomy. In this post, I explore common scenarios where boundaries and personal beliefs collide, especially in marriage. Using examples, I show how deeply ingrained beliefs—often shaped by family upbringing or reinforced by religious teachings—can influence expectations and lead to misunderstandings. Rather than defaulting to passive compliance or rigid insistence, I suggest practical strategies for handling these situations constructively. Key steps, like open communication, mutual respect, and empathy, allow couples to honor each other’s individuality while nurturing a healthy, united partnership.
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“Plugged-In”: A New Perspective on Frustrating Interactions

In our connected world, the term “plugged-in” serves as a fresh way to describe moments of frustration and tension during interactions, offering an alternative to “triggered,” which should be reserved for severe trauma reactions. “Plugged-in” accurately captures the surge of emotions when someone says or does something irritating, helping us manage these feelings without trivializing the experiences of trauma survivors. By recognizing when we’re “plugged-in,” identifying the source, communicating openly, taking breaks, finding healthy outlets, and seeking professional help if needed, we can improve our interactions and relationships. This shift in language fosters empathy, understanding, and more productive conversations, ultimately enhancing our emotional well-being. Read More…
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Deflection vs. Excuses: Understanding the Nuances and Consequences

Deflection and excuses are often mistaken for each other, but they have distinct purposes: deflection shifts blame away from oneself, while excuses provide reasons to justify one's actions. Both mechanisms can undermine personal accountability if left unchecked, leading individuals to believe their justifications are valid, which can strain relationships and breed resentment. To address these issues, promoting self-reflection, showing empathy, and encouraging accountability are essential. By distinguishing feelings from facts and involving individuals in problem-solving, we can foster open conversations and healthier interactions, ultimately supporting personal growth and more constructive relationships. Read More…
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Expanding on Personal Boundaries: Insights and Practical Tips

In our previous post on personal boundaries from 01/01/2024, we explored how they can be a powerful tool for self-care and fostering healthy relationships. This post builds on that foundation by offering a deeper dive into the concept of boundaries and how they influence our interactions with others.
What's New?
This post expands on the previous one by:
  • Emphasizing the importance of self-awareness as the foundation for setting effective boundaries. We go beyond simply understanding your needs and values to focus on recognizing what makes you feel safe and respected.
  • Introducing the concept of autonomy in relation to boundaries. Boundaries don't control others, but they do influence how they interact with you based on the choices you make about your own life.
  • Providing a structured approach to defining, communicating, and enforcing boundaries.
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Influence Not Control

This blog post argues that offering advice shouldn't be about controlling others, but rather about influencing them to make informed decisions.
Key takeaways:
  • When giving advice, focus on exploring possible outcomes with the person instead of dictating the "right" answer.
  • Practice active listening to understand their situation and tailor your suggestions accordingly.
  • Respect their autonomy - it's their choice, and your role is to offer support regardless of the decision.
Benefits of this approach:
  • Stronger relationships built on trust and respect.
  • Personal growth for both parties through shared experiences.
  • Reduced stress by letting go of the need to control.
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Dependencies

In this post, I delve into the intricacies of various dependencies, focusing on finding a healthy balance, mainly through interdependence. I emphasize that while each form of dependency serves a purpose, some can lead to adverse outcomes, especially when they foster selfishness or stagnation. I discuss codependence in detail, highlighting the roles of the codependent individual and the enabler. Moving on, I explore dependency, stressing the importance of maintaining personal growth despite relying on others for specific needs. Interdependence emerges as a neutral ground, showcasing benefits such as emotional support, shared goals, and community collaboration. However, I also caution against pitfalls like codependency and loss of individuality within interdependent relationships. Finally, I touch on independence and self-sufficiency, advocating for autonomy while valuing interconnectedness. Overall, the post reflects my perspective on understanding and navigating various forms of dependency to achieve a balanced and fulfilling life.

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"That's My Boundary!"

In my March 1st post, I explore the nuanced challenge of communicating personal boundaries effectively, particularly highlighting the contention that can arise from directly stating "that's my boundary." I reflect on my personal experience that, as a man, hearing the word 'boundary' in conversations can feel provoking, often evoking strong and negative associations. I argue that expressing boundaries without explicitly using the term can lead to better understanding and respect from others. Through examples, I demonstrate how communicating limits with kindness and without shaming others fosters healthier relationships and understanding. I share a personal mishap with my daughter to underscore the learning curve involved in practicing what I preach. Emphasizing the importance of self-awareness, mindfulness, and compassion in boundary-setting, I advocate for a more subtle approach to communicating personal limits, suggesting that this can lead to more positive outcomes for all involved. Read More…
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Part 2: Strategies for Reducing Gossip and Fostering Positive Communication

This post outlines effective methods for minimizing the adverse effects of gossip and promoting healthy dialogue. It emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, encouraging individuals to reflect on their motives before discussing others and to focus on sharing positive stories and achievements. Addressing negative emotions constructively through counseling or journaling, challenging one's cognitive biases, and cultivating empathy are suggested to deter gossip. The piece advocates for creating a culture of positive communication by promoting transparency, supporting community building, and leading by example in displaying kindness and integrity. Inspirational quotes from various religious and philosophical texts underscore the value of speaking truthfully and kindly, reinforcing that mindful communication can foster environments where gossip does not thrive, leading to more supportive and enriching interactions. Read More…
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Part 1: Understanding the Draw and Dilemmas of Gossip

We all get caught in the gossip web: the allure of belonging, the thrill of juicy info, the temporary catharsis of negativity. But the damage is real - reputations tarnished, trust eroded, negativity rampant. Break free by questioning your motives, seeking healthier entertainment, and choosing kindness. Words have power - let's build a world where communication uplifts, not tears down. Read More…
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I Think vs I Feel

Main Points:
  • The choice between "I think" and "I feel" matters because it affects how others perceive your message and interact with you.
  • "I feel" expresses emotions and personal experiences, while "I think" presents opinions and beliefs open to discussion.
  • Using "I feel" effectively requires clear distinction between emotions and opinions. Marshall Rosenberg's "Nonviolent Communication" offers a helpful framework for using "I feel" authentically.

Examples:

  • "I feel sad..." (expresses emotion) vs. "I think it was unkind..." (expresses opinion)
  • "I think we should..." (suggests action) vs. "I feel upset..." (expresses personal reaction)

Benefits of Clarifying Usage:
  • Reduces misunderstandings and unnecessary arguments.
  • Encourages empathy and open communication.
  • Promotes personal responsibility for emotions and opinions.

Overall:
This post emphasizes the importance of using "I think" and "I feel" consciously to foster clear and respectful communication. By understanding the nuances of each phrase, we can avoid misinterpretations and build stronger relationships.

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