The E in TREATS
2025/05/16 12:00 AM Filed in: Communication | TREATS
The E in TREATS: Empathize
After rephrasing what someone says, the next step is to Empathize-to genuinely connect with their feelings and experiences, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. Empathy is about seeing the world through their eyes and validating their emotions, not just their facts. As the Savior taught, we are to “mourn with those that mourn” (Mosiah 18:9), a principle that lies at the heart of Christlike communication.
Why Empathy Matters
Practical Examples: Empathizing in Action
Example 1: “You’re always late!”
Empathize: “It sounds like when I’m late, it makes you feel like I don’t value your time. I can certainly see why that would be really frustrating.” (Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.&rdquo
Why this works: You’re naming their emotion and showing you understand its source.
Example 2: “You never listen to me!”
Empathize: “Feeling unheard can make anyone feel unimportant. I’m sorry to have caused you to feel that way.” (D&C 121:45: “Let thy bowels also be full of charity…&rdquo
Why this works: You’re acknowledging their hurt without deflecting blame.
Example 3: “You’re being a jerk!”
Empathize: “I can see that what I did really hurt you. I want to understand how that felt.” (1 Peter 3:8: “...be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another...&rdquo
Why this works: You’re focusing on their emotional experience, not defending your actions.
Example 4: When Their Feelings Seem Irrational
Empathize: “Even if I don’t fully understand, I can see this is really upsetting for you. Thank you for sharing how you feel.” (Alma 7:11-12: Christ took upon Himself all pains and afflictions.)
Why this works: You’re validating their emotions without agreeing or disagreeing with their perspective.
Tips for Practicing the E-Empathize
Don’ts (For Extra Help Only)
While I prefer to focus on positive actions, here are a few things to avoid-just in case you need extra help:
Key Takeaways
A Musical Reminder
To help remember the steps, listen to The Communication Song (TREATS):
After rephrasing what someone says, the next step is to Empathize-to genuinely connect with their feelings and experiences, even if you don’t agree with their perspective. Empathy is about seeing the world through their eyes and validating their emotions, not just their facts. As the Savior taught, we are to “mourn with those that mourn” (Mosiah 18:9), a principle that lies at the heart of Christlike communication.
Why Empathy Matters
- Builds connection: People feel less alone when their emotions are acknowledged.
- Reduces defensiveness: Validating feelings opens the door to productive dialogue.
- Follows Christ’s example: Jesus always sought to understand before being understood.
Practical Examples: Empathizing in Action
Example 1: “You’re always late!”
Empathize: “It sounds like when I’m late, it makes you feel like I don’t value your time. I can certainly see why that would be really frustrating.” (Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.&rdquo
Why this works: You’re naming their emotion and showing you understand its source.
Example 2: “You never listen to me!”
Empathize: “Feeling unheard can make anyone feel unimportant. I’m sorry to have caused you to feel that way.” (D&C 121:45: “Let thy bowels also be full of charity…&rdquo
Why this works: You’re acknowledging their hurt without deflecting blame.
Example 3: “You’re being a jerk!”
Empathize: “I can see that what I did really hurt you. I want to understand how that felt.” (1 Peter 3:8: “...be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another...&rdquo
Why this works: You’re focusing on their emotional experience, not defending your actions.
Example 4: When Their Feelings Seem Irrational
Empathize: “Even if I don’t fully understand, I can see this is really upsetting for you. Thank you for sharing how you feel.” (Alma 7:11-12: Christ took upon Himself all pains and afflictions.)
Why this works: You’re validating their emotions without agreeing or disagreeing with their perspective.
Tips for Practicing the E-Empathize
- Listen to understand, not to reply.
- Name their emotion: “It sounds like you’re feeling [frustrated/ignored/hurt].”
- Avoid comparisons: Don’t say, “I know how you feel.” Instead, say, “I can’t imagine how hard that must be.”
- Use body language: Nodding, eye contact, and a calm tone show you’re engaged.
- Don’t problem-solve yet. Empathy comes before solutions.
Don’ts (For Extra Help Only)
While I prefer to focus on positive actions, here are a few things to avoid-just in case you need extra help:
- Don’t say, “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
- Don’t minimize their feelings with phrases like, “It’s not a big deal.”
- Don’t pivot the conversation to your own experiences.
- Don’t offer unsolicited advice during this step.
Key Takeaways
- Empathy is about validating feelings, not agreeing with every detail.
- Scriptures teach us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Mosiah 18:8).
- Christ’s example shows that understanding others’ pain is the first step toward healing.
A Musical Reminder
To help remember the steps, listen to The Communication Song (TREATS):
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