The Art of Deflection: Recognizing and Addressing Deflective Behavior

The Art of Deflection: Recognizing and Addressing Deflective Behavior
Here is a recent and common scenario in my home with two of my children. Mark and Sarah (names changed) have each left their cupboards open in the bathroom. When confronted, Mark's immediate defense is, "Sarah was the last one in there," as if that prevents him from closing his cupboard. When asked if Sarah opened his side, he admits, "No." This response is a classic example of deflection—a tactic often used to evade personal responsibility by shifting focus to someone else's actions.
Deflection is a common behavior, seen in various situations, such as children pointing fingers at siblings when caught misbehaving or a driver claiming, "I wasn’t the only one speeding," when pulled over by the police. This behavior can hinder personal growth and prevent individuals from making necessary corrections. Here’s why it happens and how to address it.

Why Do People Deflect?
  1. Avoiding Accountability: Admitting fault can be uncomfortable, and deflecting allows individuals to dodge blame.
  2. Defensive Mechanism: It's a way to protect oneself from criticism or consequences.
  3. Habitual Response: For some, deflecting is an ingrained habit developed over time, often starting in childhood.

The Problem with Deflection
There are several issues with deflection:
  • It avoids accountability: Mark deflects blame instead of owning his mistake.
  • It breeds resentment: Sarah might feel unfairly targeted.
  • It hinders growth: Deflection stops us from learning from our mistakes and becoming responsible individuals.

The Impact of Deflection
Deflection prevents constructive criticism from being effective. When someone deflects, they fail to acknowledge their own mistakes, which impedes personal development and can strain relationships. Additionally, it creates a culture of blame and defensiveness rather than one of accountability and growth.

Examples of Deflection
  1. Sibling Dynamics: A child caught breaking a rule might say, "But my brother did it too!"
  2. Workplace Scenarios: An employee might justify a missed deadline by pointing out that others missed theirs as well.
  3. Everyday Interactions: A common deflective response to correction is, "Well, you’ve done that too."

Addressing Deflection
  1. Encourage Personal Responsibility: Shift the focus back to the individual's actions. For instance, when Mark deflects by mentioning Sarah, the response could be, "We’re discussing your cupboard. Did you close it?"
  2. Promote a Culture of Accountability: In environments like families or workplaces, foster an atmosphere where admitting mistakes is seen as a step toward improvement, not as a weakness.
  3. Model the Behavior: Demonstrate accountability in your own actions. When you make a mistake, own up to it. This sets a powerful example for others.
  4. Practice Empathy and Understanding: Sometimes deflection stems from fear of harsh judgment. Be understanding and use gentle correction. Instead of being critical, say, "I understand it’s frustrating, but let’s focus on what you can do differently next time."
  5. Use Constructive Language: Avoid accusatory language that can spure defensiveness. Frame corrections positively, like, "How can we ensure this doesn’t happen again?"
Conclusion
Deflection is a natural, albeit unproductive, response to criticism and correction. By recognizing it and addressing it constructively, we can foster personal responsibility, improve relationships, and create a more accountable and growth-oriented environment. Remember, acknowledging a mistake is the first step toward improvement, and it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. *There is a place for this when questions asked may not be appropriate or you are not comfortable asking them but in general it is best to avoid deflection.

*
https://executiveeducation.wharton.upenn.edu/thought-leadership/wharton-at-work/2020/03/the-art-of-deflection



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