The Serenity Prayer in Grid Form for Nerds
2024/06/16 12:00 AM Filed in:
Empowerment | Discernment
The Serenity Prayer in Grid Form for Nerds (or deeper understanding)
Continuing on from our last post, we will take another angle to understand the modifications and look at the Serenity Prayer in Quandrant form.
| Action
| No Action
|
| Control |
Box of Fulfillment |
Box of Avoidance |
| - Feel empowered
| - Feel apathetic
|
| - Content and hopeful
| - Avoidance and shame
|
| - See progress
| - Guilt and anxiety
|
| - Persuasive
| - Anger and stagnation
|
| - Solid sense of self
|
|
| How to stay here: |
How to move here: |
| - Take proactive steps
| - Acknowledge your control
|
| - Set achievable goals
| - Address avoidance behavior
|
| - Stay consistent
| - Take small actions
|
| No Control |
Box of Frustration |
Box of Acceptance |
| - Feel miserable and angry
| - Practice patience
|
| - Anxious and hopeless
| - Find peace and contentment
|
| - Exhausted and escalating
| - Develop security in acceptance
|
| - Hard to leave
| - Embrace forgiveness
|
| How to move out: |
How to stay here: |
| - Recognize lack of control
| - Focus on what you can control
|
| - Shift focus to acceptance
| - Cultivate meaningful endurance
|
| - Seek support
| - Maintain a hopeful outlook
|
Interpretation:
- Action & Control (Box of Fulfillment)
- Emotions: Empowering, Contentment, Happy and hopeful, Progress, Persuasive, A solid sense of self.
- Meaning: When you take action in situations where you have control, you generally feel positive and fulfilled. You see progress and feel empowered.
- Possible Examples: Setting boundaries for yourself (not others) and living by them. Choosing when to go to bed and when to wake up. Choosing what kind of foods to eat, and how active you are and what exercise you do. Responding kindly to those that are slow, inconsiderate, or rude.
- No Action & Control (Box of Avoidance)
- Emotions: Apathy, Avoidance, Shame, guilt, Anger, “Blah” or stagnant, Anxious.
- Meaning: When you choose not to act in situations where you have control, you might feel apathy, guilt, or anxiety. This avoidance can lead to stagnant and negative feelings.
- Possible Examples: Saying yes to anything that comes your way if it looks good without clear life purpose and goal posts. Doing whatever you feel like doing and letting life happen. Doing less important tasks first without any prioritzation of the big rocks in your life. Stating that you are a victume of unfairness, that people don't love you for you, God doesn't love, you or that you are owed things in life and that life is in debt to you.
- Action & No Control (Box of Frustration)
- Emotions: Misery, Anger, Anxiety, Hopeless, Exhausting, Escalation, Hard box to leave.
- Meaning: Taking action in situations where you have no control can lead to frustration and exhaustion. It’s hard to escape this box because your efforts don’t lead to change.
- Possible Examples: Misunderstanding boundaries and setting boundaries for others instead of yourself, stating what they have to do in order to be around you rather than what you will do. Getting mad at people in traffic, the government, and people you have no access to influence. Trying to control anyone else but yourself and inflicting punishments, which spurs resentment in employees, spouses, leaders, or children.
- No Action & No Control (Box of Acceptance)
- Emotions: Patience, Long-suffering, Peace, contentment, security, Persuasive, Forgiveness, Hopeful; meaningful endurance, Hard box to stay in.
- Meaning: When you don’t take action in situations where you have no control, you might feel a mix of peace and frustration. Acceptance and patience are key here, but it can be difficult to maintain this state.
- Possible Examples: Allowing people to make mistakes, poor choices, loving others in spite of their weaknesses and selfishness (not this is not control but rather influence you are not trying to control). Obeying laws that have been set and not trying to control them by choosing to do what you want. To trying to break laws of physics by doing things that could hurt or kill you.
This grid becomes a practical tool for managing emotions and behaviors in different situations by simplifying the categories and providing actionable strategies. Start simple by identifying situations in which you find yourself frustrated and seeing what quadrant you were working from. If you were working from the Action & Control quadrant, then take some time to figure out why you were frustrated. Perhaps it is because you don't like work and wish that things were easier. Refer back to the serenity prayer and learn to accept what is and embrace change.
Key Points:
- Identify Your Control: Assess whether you have control over the situation.
- Decide on Action: Choose to act or not based on your control.
- Emotional Awareness: Recognize the emotions associated with each box and which box you are working from when making choices.
- Strategies: Use specific strategies to move towards more positive states.
References: http://www.byuido.org/2018/08/there-is-right-and-wrong-way-to-help.html
"Take This Job and Love It: How to Change Your Work Without Changing Your Job" by Dennis T. Jaffe & Cynthia D. Scott